Archive for the ‘life’ Category

how did it become almost the end of september? where have i been? i cannot believe that christmas is a mere three months away. i can feel fall in the air, even though i live in west central florida. yes, it’s still in the 80s but that draining humidity is gone, at least i no longer feel it, and now i can actually breathe. my border collie is beside himself with excitement at the cooler weather. a “hot” dog he is not. he literally dances for joy in the cool morning air. my older dog now sleeps peacefully, instead of fitfully. my cats have more energy; a couple of them are acting a little on the wild side. are they experiencing an ancient memory of a time when cats were undomesticated?

we do not have central heat/air in this crooked bungalow in which we live, so whatever is happening outside is happening inside. so we say goodbye to summer (and soon to our annual hurricane season), and start to turn our minds to the holidays coming up. there is no money this year so we will celebrate with chocolate, tasty dog and cat treats, and candles in the fireplace.

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left in the dust

right now i am at an impasse. i feel as if someone changed the stoplight from green to red and then disappeared, leaving me in a permanent state of waiting. waiting for my life to become what i dream it will be. waiting for the magic of money to find me. waiting for prince charming…well, maybe not (i used to wonder if there really was a prince charming but not any more; now i think that there is only me). i know all this stuff about me being in charge of my life, about the law of attraction, about god watching lovingly over me, guiding me, but somehow the pilot light went out and i find myself in nowheresville. a time of static nothingness that is driving me to margaritaville, if truth be told. patience. i need to learn patience. there is a time for everything…yeah, yeah, i know that too, but i still feel chained to where i am now and i do not know where the key is that will turn that damn light green.

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memoir meme

i was tagged by miss demure restraint for this meme. it’s a six-word memoir, inspired by hemingway, who once bet ten dollars that he could sum up his life in six words. he came up with — for sale: baby shoes, never worn.

here are the meme rules:
1. write your own six-word memoir.
2. post it on your blog and include a visual illustration if you’d like.
3. link to the person who tagged you in your post and to this original post if possible so we can track it as it travels across the blogosphere.
4. tag five more blogs with links.
5. and don’t forget to leave a comment on the tagged blogs with an invitation to play!

my six-word memoir:

j04226152.jpg    mountain girl lost in the sun

perhaps i should also add…who doesn’t get technology, which means i have no idea how to link this to miss demure restraint and the original post blog (weboflove). where’s a teenager when you need one…………………………………

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in my office

a windy, cloudy monday and i sit in my office typing away, listening to mindy smith on my cd player. somewhere i believe there is a singer inside me, just waiting to be coaxed out her froggy closet. there’s also a writer, photographer, and artist waiting in the wings for their chance at life beyond these four walls. a psychic once told me a very long time ago that men would slow me down but fear would stop me if i let it…and i let it. i allowed this overwhelming fear i carry with me every second of every minute of every day strangle me, but not to the death, just to death row. now at middle age i want to open the secret door in the armoire and find my way through the swirling world that i call me. i have learned many things on my journey and now i’m finding that all these insights are leading right back to me. i have always had the strength and i have always known the answers – i just did not believe it. strange how that goes……

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far away

so quiet this day. so quiet the day before. i am not used to this anymore. i love the quiet. like a sip of cool mountain water on a hot day, silence nourishes the person i am. i cannot live without it. that is, no doubt, why i grow more tired of breathing as the days go by. the loudness, the busyness of people who live aggressively hurts my life, my spirit, my everything. i feel like an alien from another planet because i do not understand the ways of the human. just do not understand the need to rush, to invade, to kill, to live like no one else matters, save the self. perhaps i only speak from middle age. perhaps these are just the words of a woman who is looking backwards to a world that seemed so much friendlier and quieter. i only know that i do not belong in this time. not as i am now. not where i am now.

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up the mountain

the day i was born i saw a mountain, a daunting aspect of nature but no more formidable than my own spirit. i can climb this mountain, i said. i can make my way to the top and from there i can see all things, know all things, do all things. no one told me that there would be blizzards, avalanches, wild animals, rolling boulders, toppling trees, deep uncrossable fissures. no one told me there would also be the soothing sound of silence, the soft swish of a bird flying overhead, the intense vibrancy of a sunset, the welcoming embrace of a forest, the chance sighting of a deer and its fawn, the cool fresh taste of mountain water. i have yet to stand on the top of my mountain. i am still climbing my way through beauty and tragedy on a path yet to be forged. i am content that no one told me what i might find on the way up the mountain. i might have stayed in the valley and waited for my life to begin.

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peace and quiet

the light of the sun is filtering through the trees outside my window. right now it is very peaceful and i cherish it. peace and quiet are not easy to come by in this urban neighborhood. i bleed from the constant loudness of this world in which i now live. i long for my mountain childhood, so far, far away. i miss peace and quiet, for in peace and quiet i can hear my spirit; i can think, read, daydream, nap, just be.

i don’t know who this person is anymore. my face is battleworn and my heart wanders off its beaten path. there are days when i just want to hide and never be found…until serenity is declared the way of life for all humans.

a girl can dream, can’t she?

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can i make it?

i am just one person in this world of billions. i am just one small voice amid the cries and hollerings of millions, billions, gazillions of living beings. what makes me special? that i live? that i think? that i talk? i find this world difficult to live in. perhaps i take things too seriously. perhaps i’m like the wolf running on a forest path, running with hopes of life but truly on the road that will lead to my destruction at the hands of other living things. i cannot find the light to melt the darkness. i am only one step away from………………….

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